Voyages with Vampires
by Yattara
Summary: Hermione and Ron have an obnoxious meeting in a coffeebar. Post DH.


Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling, and Warner Brothers. I am not making any money out of this.

It had started like a nice day. In order to spend more time together, alone, Ron and Hermione had led the Burrow early in the morning and gone into London. Now they had stopped at a coffee-bar. The lunch-rush was over, and apart from the barista who was looking quite bored and another customer they were quite alone. It was when Ron had stepped out for a moment that the other customer walked up to Hermione and opened his mouth, causing Hermione to put down her coffee and the book she had been reading.

"You're a what?" Hermione looked at the man like he had just grown a second head.

"A vampire hunter," he replied, a bit sheepishly. He wasn't used to this kind of scrutiny. She hadn't looked very impressed either when he had appeared next to her, casually swirling his stake.

"A vampire hunter," Hermione repeated flatly. "In that outfit?"

He looked down at himself. He was dressed in bright glaring colours. It hurt to look at him.

Hermione ran a hand through her hair, making it look bushy. "Do you have a death wish?"

"Of course not! The denizens of the night fear to come near me."

"Because they are afraid of having their retinas burned out," Ron said. He had walked to them to see who the loon talking to Hermione was.

"Oi, ginge, stay out of this," the man snapped.

Ron flushed pink. "Will not, if you're harassing my friend."

"Ron, I can take care of myself," Hermione said.

"I know, but he is bloody irritating, isn't he?" Ron asked. He dropped his arm around her shoulders. "I'm just here for the support, babe." He grinned cheekily.

Hermione smiled back at him, raising an eyebrow at the endearment used. "Thanks, dear." She turned back to the man. "What was your name again?"

"Darius." He grinned. It was a good name. Better than Clive. It never failed to impress the chicks.

Hermione frowned. "Do tell about vampires, _Darius_."

He puffed up his chest. "They're very mysterious creatures. Hardly anyone ever sees them, or if they do, know them for what they are. Masters of brain-craft, they are..."

He talked further while Ron bent over and whispered in Hermione's ear, "Masters of brain-craft? They don't have much to work with in him, then." She tried to stifle a giggle.

"Also they are experts in glamour," Darius finished. He looked at Hermione. "But they can't fool me." He winked.

Hermione grimaced. "Men can be so stupid." Ron rolled his eyes at that, but kept quiet. He'd heard it before, and didn't care too much for it. Darius looked stricken.

"How can you say that?" he demanded. "I will let you know that I studied them intensely." He was going red in the face. "If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be able to stand here so casually, drinking coffee with a ginger minger like him."

At that Ron was going red in the face. He started to step forward, but Hermione was faster than he was. "The word is 'intensively'. What did you read, _Voyages with Vampires_? Hardly the most informational book. The author really didn't know what he was talking about. Very inaccurate, I'm afraid. Of course, if you continue to take your ideas from the trashier forms of literature, you deserve everything that's coming to you." She smiled sweetly. "Shall we go, Ron? We'll miss our train back, and your mum doesn't want us to be late for dinner."

Ron was muttering, "Wouldn't know a vampire if one came up and bit him."

Darius heard that. "And you would, carrot head? You talk pretty tough for such a mother's boy. Does she," he gestured to Hermione, "hold your hand when you cross the road? I suppose she tucks you -."

Without a further word, Ron floored him. It wasn't the smoothest of moves, given the angle from which he had to strike, but it worked. Darius went down smoothly, looking stunned. His nose started to bleed. Hermione looked angry. "Honestly, Ron! You didn't have to hit him."

"He insulted me. And you, for insinuating you'd go out with a ponce." He stood shaking his hand. "He has a hard head. Kiss it better?" he asked, making puppy-dog eyes at Hermione.

She just glared at him. "Serves you right. Honestly Ron, I can take care of myself. And now what are we going to do?"

"We could just leave. We do have a train to catch, like you said." He grinned. "Mister Lockhart here won't be down long, and do you want a further scene?"

"We can't just leave him!" She knelt next to Darius, who was starting to look more focused. 

Ron stared at her. "Course we can. He's an obnoxious little git and why are we still standing here having this discussion?"

"You're impossible." She started to wipe the blood away with a handkerchief she'd fished out of Darius' pocket. It had a 'C' embroidered in one corner. "Now then, Darius. Despite you not being very smart, or else why talk about your hobby to all and sundry, some advice. I know _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ doesn't cover vampires, but that doesn't mean that you have to read Lockhart, of all people. Professor Slughorn's _Entertaining __Sanguini_, while a bit florid, is a better start to really broaden your knowledge. And it has a very good reference-list."

"Of course," Ron mumbled. "He knows everyone, doesn't he?" He shut up as Hermione got up off the ground, and brushed the dust off her skirt.

"Be careful, Darius. And don't insult redheads, you might catch his sister, and she's a lot worse." With that, she and Ron left the shop, making for the nearest Tube-station. Darius just stared after them, thehandkerchief forgotten in his hand.


End file.
